10-14-2011
The Military Has My Heart
INTRODUCTION
A little over two years ago, I began a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend, Zach. Our chemistry has always been tremendous, and I laugh like I never have before. He raises my self-esteem, and for that, my parents are most grateful. We’re best friends. To be honest, I don’t even tell the women I call my “best friends” half of the things I share with Zach. As a matter of fact, my “best friends” tell me they feel like enduring in a healthy vomit after overhearing our phone conversations. He lured me in by telling me how beautiful I am, and how he’s never seen anyone more ravishing in his life. Whenever he looks at me, one eyebrow will raise not even an inch, and he gives me a half-crooked smile that I constantly melt at. We have a bond that is indescribable. Even though we have a great relationship, one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make was whether I should stay with Zach when he left for the United States NAVY, or go our separate ways.
DESCRIPTION OF THE SITUATION
Zach’s dream has always been to be in the NAVY. I have known this since we began dating, but I refused to believe it would actually happen. We were around each other too often to even imagine having to say goodbye to one another. I tried not to mention the topic because I stupidly believed he might forget about it. In August of 2010, he reluctantly brought the subject up, and asked me how I would feel if he joined soon. At first, I was entirely unsure.
Selfishly, all I could think about was how I felt. Why was he doing this to me? How could he possibly feel this comfortable leaving me behind? I thought that him leaving meant that I wouldn’t be able to see him for a year at a time. All of our fun experiences together will just turn into faint memories. Nothing would be the same anymore.
Eventually, I overcame being unsure, and I started to get angry. Our relationship was getting a little hostile, and it was difficult to be around him. In the back of my mind, all I could think about was him leaving, and how I would be left in Michigan alone. Arguments would arise every day, and they would be brought on by the simplest things. I couldn’t get over the fact that he was considering joining the military.
Every thought in my mind told me to admit I couldn’t do it, but my heart was telling me to let him go. The stress that would arise from him being away from me seemed monumental, and the amount I would miss him would be too great for words. There wasn’t a question in my mind about what was best for him because I already knew the answer. My heart knew that the NAVY would be perfect for his future, but I had no idea how to deal with my best friend being away from me for months at a time.
FACTORS TO CONSIDER
The most important factor of my decision was the distance that would soon be between us. Before he left, whenever I wanted to see him, it was so simple to get in the car, and drive for 10 minutes. I knew that when he joined the NAVY, I would have to drive thousands of miles to do that. It would take me a long time to get used to being so far away from each other. Having a relationship based off of phone calls would be extremely difficult.
Zach’s mom has also been quite the challenge in our relationship, and this was another factor I had to consider. I knew that once he left, I would have to talk to her more because I would need to update her on how Zach is doing. The idea of doing this put me on edge because we have never had a casual relationship. Even when we first started dating, his mom did not like me. This was the first time I’ve ever experienced being unapproved of. I never knew how to handle it, so I was always overly nice to her. When Zach had to leave, I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable having to talk to her by myself. She was very intimidating, and I always got the impression that she had wished I wasn’t around.
On the other hand, his sister, Jaimee, has always been supportive of us. She told me some important things that became factors, and started to cement my decision into the ground. Before Zach left for boot camp, Jaimee wanted to meet up with me for lunch one afternoon. Ten years ago, she was a Master at Arms in the NAVY, so she knew everything that I should be expecting. She told me that I would be able to see him a few times a year, and that he would be able to have his phone on him whenever he wanted after boot camp was over. Jaimee said that he will be able to see more countries in a few years than most people will ever see in their entire lives. Everything she was telling me kept circling around the fact that joining the NAVY was the best possible thing he could do for his life.
The final factor was that I didn’t know what to expect. I had no idea how often I would be able to have contact with Zach because it’s all up to his Recruit Division Commanders. With the way I was thinking, I would only be able to get one letter a month, one phone call every quarter year, and only be able to see him once a year. Another aspect I was clueless about was where he would be stationed. What if he was sent to Japan? There is no doubt that I was expecting the worst the entire time. Not once did I think optimistically about overcoming our obstacles.
EVALUATION OF OPTIONS
With the decision I had to make, there were two options. The first option was to end the relationship, and separate in completely opposite directions. If I were to choose this, my decision would eliminate so much stress that I wouldn’t need on top of school. I would also be able to explore more opportunities in college, and live life for myself. Relationships are known to “tie a person down,” and I wanted the full college experience. Although, the best part about leaving the relationship would be not having to pretend to like Zach’s mother anymore, and that would be phenomenal.
The second option seemed to be most practical, and that was to stay in the relationship with Zach, and see if we could tolerate the long distance. There is no way I could ever picture my life without Zach in it because we have been through so much together. He has been there for me at all of my worst times, and he has been a part of all my best times. I also had to consider the fact that I would not be waiting alone. He is waiting too, and that’s all I could ask for. Finally, the NAVY is in Zach’s best interest as college is mine.
CONCLUSION
Zach has been an Aviation Boatswain’s Mate/Aircraft Handler in the United States NAVY for nine months. For seven months out of the year, I have no idea where he is, but that’s okay. I had the power to make a rational decision when it came to love, and the consensus did not come from my mind, it came from my heart. We are currently in a healthy, long distance relationship, and he still continues to brighten up each of my days. Even though being away from each other is as hard as I had imagined, I had to accept the fact that we had to make sacrifices if we still wanted to be together while he is in the military.
We have been dating since August 22, 2009, and I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I never thought I would have to communicate with my boyfriend through letters, but we’ve done it a countless number of times within the period he has been away. Not once have I regretted my decision to stay with Zach. Our relationship is stronger than ever, and in a few years, I will be moving in with him where he is stationed in Norfolk, Virginia. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t worry about him. Whether he’s out on a deployment, or safe in Norfolk, there’s always that emptiness in my heart. So many times during a day, I think about how much I miss him. Our phone calls can be very emotional, and I find myself crying multiple times in a week, but I still wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Talking to his family has been such a great help. I was skeptical about how it would work, but we’ve been getting along so well. For his boot camp graduation, I took a trip to Chicago with his mom, sister, and aunt. We all had a great time, and they make me laugh just as much as he does. Ironically, Zach says he’s jealous because he thinks I talk to his mom more than he does now, which was completely unexpected.
Zach being gone has helped me focus more on personal issues as well. I have a feeling that if he were here, I would be more distracted when it came to my school work. That was a big problem before he left, while I was in high school. I’ve also noticed that I’ve been around my family more than I have ever been in the past two years. It’s been a big change being able to pay attention to myself. As much of a luxury it would be to have him here again, I am content with the way this has changed my life as well.
Overall, Zach leaving has made us mature as a couple, and as individuals. I have learned to set my priorities straight, and always do what makes me the happiest. I would’ve been miserable if I didn’t choose to stay with him. He’s matured into a great man by serving this country, and establishing an exceptional work ethic. Together, we have learned how to keep a strong relationship going from thousands of miles away. If the distance can’t disturb our happiness, nothing will.
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