Coming Soon: Deployment #2

The USS Enterprise has been back from their most recent deployment for seven months, but it seems as though they just arrived last week. I met a wonderful friend that day waiting for her sailor to exit the hangar bay just as I was. The atmosphere at the homecoming ceremony was full of patriotism, thankfulness, and love. I have never experienced anything greater in my life.

In a few short weeks, the ship goes back out for their final deployment before the ship is decommissioned. The past seven months have flown by faster than I can blink, and I have found myself to be more emotional than ever. The thought of not having him to talk to every day is scaring me worse than last time.

One week from today, I will be on my way to Virginia for our last visit before we say "See you later." Of course I am ecstatic to see him, but I can not help but dread it at the same time. For each day that I am there, we will be one day closer to another huge challenge on our relationship.

There are way too many negative things about deployment to count, so that's why I am trying to look at this on a much brighter note.
1. For every day that passes while I'm there, that is one day closer to the end of the deployment.
2. The seven months in between these two deployments flew by, but seven months after our second, I will be moving in with him.
3. Even though we will not be able to talk every day, I know that we will be thinking about each other, and that's enough for me.
4. The best aspect of deployment: I get to experience another homecoming. The feeling of holding him after so long is completely indescribable.

I will not deny that for the next several months my blogs may not be very cheerful, but I am confident in myself and our relationship that we will kick deployment's ass!
P.S. Zach is the 6th one from the left in this picture.

Remember What You Love, and Love What You Remember

Chick Flicks usually aren't my thing. Most of the time, I would so much rather see a slasher, or a good Denzel action film than a movie with a soundtrack full of Taylor Swift songs. 

When I first saw previews for The Vow, it felt like a girly wave drowned me. Along with 99% of the girls on this planet, I felt like the world would end if I could not see that movie. I just got back from the movie theater (my friend and I saw the midnight premier). Before I opened my laptop to write, all I could think about was what my life would be like if I was in Rachel McAdams's shoes. I promise, for those of you that have not seen the movie yet, there is no need for a spoiler alert in the remaining text.

Would I be able to fall in love with someone who seems like a stranger all over again?

Well then I got to thinking, I kind of already do that every time I see Zach. Of course, he is no stranger to me, but it seems like it sometimes... especially after deployment. Whenever I finally see him after months of being apart, I fall in love all over again. Being with him in person is nothing like our usual routine of entertaining ourselves through a phone. The facial expressions, the way he holds me, and the way he gently slides the hair away from my face when he leans in for a kiss are three of the very many reasons I fell in love with him. Those things cannot be experienced over the phone. No, I'm not meeting a new person every few months. I am simply recalling the actions that took my breath away years ago, before we ever knew what a long distance relationship was. 

I guess the whole point of this entry was that it is not impossible to remember what you love, and love what you remember. Trust me, I do it all the time.

And Then There Are Those Nights...

What I mean by those nights: 

When you don't want to do anything. 

You don't even want to look at your phone or be social.

The idea of going out seems like torture.

Every song you listen to stirs up another emotion.

Thinking about seeing your sailor is too painful.

You aren't satisfied with anything at all.

Tonight would be one of those nights for me. Perfect inspiration for a blog. 

No, Aunt Flow is NOT here on her monthly visit. I knew what you were thinking...

I was having a really good day earlier  visiting my dad and step mom at home from school. We were all laughing and joking around. Ever since the sun started to go down though, I have felt so...blah.
Facebook and Pinterest were keeping my attention for a little while, but then I got bored with that so I had to find something else to do. I decided to complain.

I get this feeling quite a bit, as do you I'm sure. Usually it's when I have not heard from Zach in a few days. He is the best at calming me down by making me laugh. I will share some things he says with you that don't work, and some that work when I feel like this... and what goes through my head when he says it.

Things Zach tells me when I feel "blah" (that don't work) : 

 - "Just relax." OR "Chill out babygirl." This definitely does not work because if I'm upset about something, it's  a pretty big deal. Too big of a deal to just simply relax or chill out. Don't men know anything?

- "Everything is going to be okay. Just don't think about it so much." AHH! If everything is going to be okay, then why in the hell am I bawling my eyes out?! Nothing will be okay. And if I can't think about it, then how am I going to be able to talk about it with you?!

- "What's wrong babygirl?" (What every woman says with sad eyes) Nothing...

- "Are you sure?" (Also what every woman says) Yeah, I'm sure......10 second pause...... Welllll I guess...

- "You must be on your period." What makes you think that? I still act like the same person when I'm on it. What's that even supposed to mean anyway? (His responses are never the correct thing to say)  

Things Zach tells me when I feel "blah" (that do work) :

- "You know you can always talk to me, right?" Awwwwh yes I do baby. Do you really want to know what's bothering me? "Of course babygirl." 

- "I love you, and I will always be here for you. Especially when you feel like this." I love you too, and thank you so much. I could not have gotten any luckier. No one would put up with my B.S. the way that you do.

- "Everything will be so much easier for the both of us when we can finally start our lives living together." I dream about that day all the time.

- "Am I gonna have to beat someone's ass today?" It cracks me up every time he says this, haha! All I do is just laugh like crazy. 

Anyway, I think writing this post has helped me out a little bit. Nothing says strong than being able to make yourself smile in rough times!

Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed it (:

The Wonders Skype Can Do

We aren't virgins to the Skype world, by any means, but tonight was the first time that we have done it since he has been in the Navy. Phone calls are great, emails are good, but Skyping is the cat's meow, man!
I absolutely love being able to see him smile. Skype actually lets me see the dumb face he makes when he yawns so I can pick on him about it to no end.

It's the closest thing I can get to actually being there with him. 

I have a roommate who is constantly talking about how she never gets to see her boyfriend. He goes to the same exact university, and lives about a mile away. He comes over every other day. She never shuts up about it either, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I think she talks about it in front of me on purpose.

Fact is: 

You know you don't get to see your boyfriend enough when you kiss your laptop camera during Skype.

You know you don't get to see your boyfriend enough when your day is so much brighter just because of a short email or a minute-long phone call.

and

You know you don't get to see your boyfriend enough when you have come to grips that technology is the entire basis of your relationship.

Dear Inventor of Skype,

Thank you so much for inventing this wonderful thing that has helped millions of people across the world stay in touch with their loved ones.

Things I Hide on the Inside

1. I cry on a daily basis when you're gone.
2. My favorite picture of us never goes a night without being kissed before I fall asleep.
3. I have saved voicemails from you from over a year ago that I listen to very often.
4. I'm afraid to reread the letters you wrote me in boot camp because I don't want to commit emotional suicide.
5. My friends ask me how I can handle the distance, and I always say "I don't know." Truth is, the only reason I can think of is because I am in love with you. Love conquers all, right?
6. You being in the Navy is way harder than I ever expected.
7. When you call me while on deployment, all of my sadness goes away. The moment you hang up, it all comes back.
8. I'm afraid to be living with you when you go on deployment. I don't want to be alone.
9. Whenever something great happens to me, I'm not excited when I don't get to tell you.
10. I'm sick of wasting years of our lives being apart from each other.
11. I wished you liked the idea of going to college more.
12. When I miss a phone call, my mood is ruined for the entire day.
13. At night, I cuddle with every stuffed animal you have ever gave to me.
14. The only reason I don't tell you not to make a career out of the Navy is because I know you love your job.
15. I'm proud of myself because I never thought I would be able to survive this long.

I don't tell him these things because I like hearing him happy. He knows that I will never leave his side, and all of these things would make him think that I am doubting us. Only a little over a year to go, and I'm hoping to be living with him. That will make things so much easier on our relationship. The past couple of days have been very emotional for me. Maybe it's a sign that I missed his call tonight because a lot of these things would have came out.

One of the most important lessons to learn: Take What You Can Get!

My boyfriend is stationed in Norfolk, Virginia. I am currently visiting him right now and will be here until January 5th. This will be our first Christmas away from our hometown, and it seems a bit strange.
He was scheduled to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so he tried putting in leave for those days so he could spend both days with me in our hotel room. Well, it was denied. I will be spending 6am - 9pm alone in our  room both days. Of course, I am highly disappointed, but I'm still here. If I would not have been able to take the trip, we would be spending Christmas apart, and he would be completely alone without me or his family to spend the holiday with.

This is just another example of how some things don't happen the way we would like them to. I'm sure that all of the military spouses/girlfriends reading this have experienced something similar, so you can understand exactly how I'm feeling.

Instead of dwelling on the negative, I will be occupying my time with planning something very special for him when he comes back from work. I will be going out to get all of his favorite Christmas movies later on today, and calling his mom to walk her through the Skype downloading process so he can actually see his mom on Christmas. We have also been on a microwave diet since I got here because that's the only appliance our hotel room has, so I'm going to get the highest quality food that I can cook in a damn microwave. Another example of how we have to Take What We Can Get!

Christmas is a time to appreciate what you have. I am so thankful that I will be able to spend a couple hours of that day with my boyfriend because some ladies might only be getting a phone call, or maybe nothing at all. The greatest gift I can think of is being able to cuddle with him in front of the TV watching our favorite Christmas movies with microwaved food, marveling at our beautiful little Christmas tree, and family Skype dates.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone, and appreciate everything that you have during this holiday season. 

Don't Forget

This is a song that I wrote for Zach as a part of his Christmas gift. I will be playing guitar and recording it for youtube, so expect to see that post later. I hope you like it!

You got a hold on me the first time I saw you smile.

Your voice is as soothing as a canary.

We had a normal thing going for quite a while,

Until you threw my heart at the military.

I could be nothing but selfish.

Why are you leaving me behind?

Why am I being punished?

The anger made me cold and unkind.

I know my first reaction wasn’t great.

Being without you wouldn’t be right.

I have to realize this is our fate.

I never want to lose this fight.

Getting used to the fact but,

I’m having battles with myself internally.

We’ll be okay, I know in my gut.

I know I want you for eternity.

Choosing not to have you means

My life would never be the same.

The distance makes goodbyes hard,

But hellos are worth the pain.

Always return to shore from sea,

And come home safe to me.

Although there is no guarantee

That home is where you’re meant to be.

Don’t forget I will be here waiting.

I didn’t know what to expect.

Our love would be imaginary.

I thought our relationship would be wrecked

Everything is out of the ordinary.

Through my laughter and my tears

All of my friends have been there.

Although they do not understand my fears

They can comfort my despair.

I cherished your last days at home.

Creating moments we can always remember.

Focusing on the days that are to come.

We have to work if this is forever.

The night you left I did nothing but cry.

Cuddling your pillow too.

Wishing the sad feelings would die.

But they gave me a chance to miss you.

Choosing not to have you means

My life would never be the same.

The distance makes goodbyes hard,

But hellos are worth the pain.

Always return to shore from sea,

And come home safe to me.

Although there is no guarantee

That home is where you’re meant to be.

Don’t forget I will be here waiting.

Several months go by without my hand being held.

My lips not kissed and

My sides and waist not being felt

But I can still bear to stand.

The anticipation has been killing me.

It’s been eight months since our last meeting.

You’re coming off the ship I see

Running towards me for our first greeting.

Seeing you makes my tears burst.

Your shoulder is where I lay my head.

Every kiss as dreamy as the first

It’s all worth it, like you said.

Holding onto every moment like it’s our last.

It will seem a lifetime before we get a new one.

Reliving memories from our past.

All the joyous times weigh a ton.

Choosing not to have you means

My life would never be the same.

The distance makes goodbyes hard,

But hellos are worth the pain.

Always return to shore from sea,

And come home safe to me.

Although there is no guarantee

That home is where you’re meant to be.

Don’t forget I will be here waiting.

We are surviving on letters and phone calls

While thousands of miles have us separated.

Why did I fall

For something that I hated?

Even though the crying seems to last for hours

I go to bed with a smile on my face.

Recalling all of our written memoirs

Not leaving out a single trace.

The ring you gave me signifies your promise.

I swear I will always honor that for us.

The future we will have together will be bliss.

The only thing we will have to do is adjust.

We will look back at this and laugh.

We’ll make it through, and that’s a fact.

Because my love for you will never fade,

And it’s always going to stay that way.

The Navy has my heart,

And there is nothing I can do,

But cope with the part

And always stay true to you.

Choosing not to have you means

My life would never be the same.

The distance makes goodbyes hard,

But hellos are worth the pain.

Always return to shore from sea,

And come home safe to me.

Although there is no guarantee

That home is where you’re meant to be.

Don’t forget I will be here waiting

Don’t forget I will be here waiting.