3 Days, 2 Hours, 9 Minutes, and 3 Seconds

This Sunday, November 4th, my sailor will be home!
This cruise has gone by so fast. I still can't come to grips with the fact that he will be here this week.
Ever since I moved to Virginia I have had a lot to do with the apartment. Painting, cleaning, rearranging... Being a perfectionist is quite a large flaw sometimes.
After tomorrow I will not do anything else around the place. I keep telling myself that once he's here I won't be stressing anymore. All of the hard work I put into the apartment will pay off, and I will lose interest in perfecting everything once he's home. Having him here is all that I could ask for.

My dad and step mom are the only ones traveling here for the homecoming. His mom and my mom couldn't make it, but at least we will be taking leave in December to see them. My dad and step mom will be here on Saturday. I can't wait to see them! Granted, it has only been a month since I moved, but being alone makes a person homesick. I told them they are not allowed to stay in our apartment on the night he comes home :) They wouldn't appreciate us too much.

HOMECOMING!! There is not a day better than this. At the homecoming last year I felt so proud to call the United States my home. There was such a strong wave of patriotism, and there was not a single person there in a bad mood. Everyone is there for one reason. Seeing fathers meeting their children for the first time will always leave a mark in your heart. There is nothing better than being surrounded by reconnecting love. After nearly 8 months of waiting, the servicemen and women will finally be home with their families. Everything will be complete, and the huge celebration makes the day a million times better. This homecoming is different though. The USS Enterprise is decommissioning after a long 51 years of being active. Veterans will attend this homecoming to witness the new sailors, the old ship, and all that has been accomplished since they were aboard. Just another reason why on Sunday I will be more proud of my man and our military than I have ever been before.

This is Zach after manning the rails before he was let off of the ship last year on July 15th, 2011. He's holding up a heart for me <3 What a cheeseball.

Our Home

After a few days of being here, I've gotten quite a bit of stuff done around the apartment. I'm just now getting to painting. He's going to hate me because I made the master bathroom a very neon purple, and I have a lot of bright colors and animal print in there. I think I deserve to have a room that expresses my personality :) I already have the color schemes for the rest of the apartment picked out, and I'm really excited to finish it. I will post the "after" pictures within a couple of weeks. This has been a very exciting time for us, even though he isn't home yet. Not too much longer, and then we'll be able to enjoy our home together.

Our Welcome Home gift from the office. We will definitely need it when Zach gets home, haha.

The beautiful kitchen. I'm so excited to cook dinner every night.  We will be eating very healthy.

The laundry room that I was REALLY excited about. They work perfectly.

The spare bedroom view from the hallway. It's a very decent size.

Spare bedroom view from the window.

Master bedroom view from the hallway. It's absolutely huge. This picture doesn't do it justice whatsoever.

This is our master bathroom and the closet in the master bedroom.

View from the end of the hallway. I wanted carpet, but I'm getting used to the hardwood. 

The bathroom that connects to the hallway. Not very big, but it's perfect.

A New, Thrilling Step

My Life in Michigan
I have only 3 short days living in the state I have always known as home. My mother gave birth to me in Michigan. Training wheels were stripped off of my bike in Michigan. I have lost family in this state, and I have gained family here. There have been many good and bad times here, but the moment that has had the biggest impact on my life was when I met the love of my life, and my only love, here in good ol' Michigan. This state, and the people in  it have made me into who I am today. Saying goodbye in 72 hours seems unreal. I have spent nearly two decades smelling the cool, crisp air of fall. I have seen snow fall like you wouldn't believe. I have sweat and complained in 80 degree weather in the summer. I have put up with miles and miles of the unavoidable road construction. Above all else, I have met people who have all had an impact in my life. The friends I have met here will always be in my heart. My very best friend is going on her own journey in a few months as well. The people I will miss the most are the ones who have been in my life since day one; my family. I have already said  goodbye to my mother. We both cried on each other's shoulders for what seemed like an  hour. We are best friends. She is the strongest woman I have ever met, and I have been afraid that she might fall weak once I go. She assures me she won't, but you can't predict things like that. My dad has concealed his empty-nest feelings as best as he can. I anticipate the big show when I give him the last hug before I sit in the car that will take me 13 hours away. Leaving all of this behind is just as exciting as it is saddening. Bittersweet is the perfect word to describe the move I am making to Virginia.

My Future in Virginia
Even though I'm leaving the only place I have known, I look forward to starting a new beginning in a new world. There is always a time in someone's life when they realize it's time to fly. I just cannot believe it's already that time for me. On Friday I take the biggest step forward that I have ever had to make. I will be living in an apartment in a strange place by myself until Zach comes home from his second deployment (which won't be too long, hooray!). There are many things I look forward to. Moving in with him will prove our compatibility. Of course I am confident that we are perfect for each other right now, but seeing him every day will allow me to learn everything about him. I may think I know now, but I do not. He will have many quirks about him that may get under my skin, but I'm not flawless either. We will argue over the pettiest things, but I will make sure to always tell him I love him before falling asleep. If we regrettably end up discovering we are better off as friends, I will never regret the time we had spent together. I am willing to consider every outcome of this move. On a positive note, what I look forward to most is becoming my own person. I will finally have complete freedom. This will give me more self-discipline than I have ever known. Studying, working, cleaning, and so many other things will be on my agenda, and it's up to me to make sure everything is accomplished. There will be many struggles, but I look forward to overcoming them with Zach.
No matter how strange it may seem to no longer live in a familiar place, I am overjoyed to begin my "adult" life with my love, my best friend.

This is the first picture we ever took together, well over three years ago. It's amazing to see how far we have come in such a short period of time.

When You're Young, Dreams Are Possible to Achieve

I can't believe it's been over a month since I have wrote anything. Guess that's a good thing... I've been staying VERY busy throughout this deployment! So far, it's been going by pretty fast. I guess it helps that I knew what to expect this time.
So, I have some big news!
After a lot, and I mean A LOT of thinking, I have decided to move to Virginia early. Zach and I will be getting an apartment with one of our best friends, Tyler. Tyler is also on the Enterprise, so I have the best support system ever imaginable. In early October, I'm going to move into the apartment, and I plan on getting it all decorated before my two men come home. I CAN'T EVEN EXPRESS TO YOU HOW EXCITED I AM FOR THIS! I have been dreaming about living with him for so long now, and it's finally in motion!

My parents are not too happy about my decision. They both said that they can't stop me, but they do not agree with me. Even though that hurts, I'm alright with that too. I know what I want to do with my life, and I know that I have the drive and self-motivation to get myself where I need to be. Becoming a teacher has been something I have dreamed about for years, and I'll be damned if I don't make that happen. Zach and Tyler would kick me out of the apartment if they ever knew I was skipping class. They have made that very obvious.
When you're young, dreams are way more possible. I don't want to stay in Michigan being unhappy just because I'm away from Zach. Years wasted is a huge chunk of life that will never come back. That's why I refuse to be away from him longer than I have to be. My dream: Be a teacher, and have a happy family. Both of those things will come with time, but I might as well work toward those dreams sooner than later. Being young is all about figuring out who you are, and where you belong in life. I know that I belong right by his side. I have been happy for a while now, but every time I am with Zach, I feel radiant.
All in all, I wish that my parents could trust in my choices, but I will strive for what makes me happy in the mean time. Knowing that in four months I will be living in Norfolk waiting for the arrival of my other half and my best friend makes me smile whenever I think about it.


Life is short. If you aren't happy, do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING you can to change that. Be yourself no matter what. Never let someone hold you back from doing what you want to do. Your parents might have raised you, but it's your life now. Holding yourself back will diminish all chances of happiness. Never die regretting the time you lost.




              <--- This is where our lives began --->

The Other Side of the World Doesn't Seem So Far Away When You're Always on my Mind

There have been so many thoughts running through my head lately. Zach seems to do that to me quite a bit. We are almost through with a month of this deployment, and it seems to be going by fairly fast. We still have about half of a year left, but I will not let that get me down. The #1 rule of handling a deployment is keeping yourself busy, and I have been trying to do just that. I think it helps that I usually don't wake up until noon... keeps my days unbelievably short. My grandma would yell at me if I told her that, so shhhhh.
I have decided to share these many thoughts with you. Of course I'm a rambling girl who misses her man, so you can skim through the paragraphs. I definitely won't blame you.


Homecoming. There is no better feeling than holding him after months of being separated. It feels like I have a whole heart again. Feeling his arms around my body makes me feel safe again. Looking into his teary eyes reassures me how in love he is, and I can never get enough of that. Having my hero in my presence unleashes so much happiness. Now if only the countdown app on my phone could speed up a wee bit...

My family misses him almost as much as I do. I love that. I always feel so lucky that I found a man who my entire family loves to pieces. Both of my parents know that we are perfect for each other. My dad has always been nice to the ex-boyfriends I brought around before, but he would always tell me that I could do better. When he first met Zach, he was not quite sold. After he got a chance to know him better, my dad told me he was impressed at how well Zach treats me among many other things. Getting daddy's approval can be pretty tough, but my sailor pushed his way through that obstacle pretty quick! My step mom is in love with him. If I ever treated him wrong, she would gladly take him off my hands. Now my mom hated him for about an hour. To make a long story short, Zach and I were living about an hour away from each other at the time. We decided it would be a good idea for me to lie to my mom by telling her I was going to stay at a friend's house for the night. Well, her being a good mother found out I was with Zach. We told her where we were, and she came out there right away. After all of the yelling and screaming he obviously had to drive back. When my mom and I got home she said, "He never broke eye contact with me once. He was very polite. I like him." Ever since then she has loved him like he's her own son. ANYWAY (told you I ramble), it makes me smile when my family asks how he's doing. They love getting to talk to him whenever he calls me from the ship. I think they know their daughter is in very good hands.

On a negative note, I don't miss his farts. They linger, they smell horrid, and I hate him for locking the windows or pulling blankets over my head. That is all.

The most important thought that keeps me pushing through deployment is knowing that I will be moving in with him shortly after he comes home. Nothing excites me more than the thought of waking up next to Zach every single morning. I love watching him get ready for work. Most of the time he looks like a zombie trying to put on his ndubs. It's very cute. One of my favorite things to do is cook him a nice dinner before he gets back. I like to think I'm a decent cook, but if he doesn't like something I have made for him I would never know it. He is always so appreciative for the effort I put into it. Our xbox and movie nights are what I look forward to the most when the time comes. We will go from killing each other and gloating to cuddling and falling asleep on the couch together. Ohhh I probably look like an idiot when I think about this while walking to class because I can't help but to smile every time. When I finally get to move in with him, I will be the happiest I have ever been in my entire life.

Distance sucks, but it doesn't alter how in love with him I am. I can count how many times we saw each other last year on one hand, but that doesn't matter. Every time I see him I know our love has gotten stronger than the last time. To have a great love, you must make sacrifices for one another. That's exactly what we are doing. Sometimes I feel so discouraged, but 98% of the time I can't even fathom how lucky I am to have him. Most girls think they will never find the perfect man. I know I never thought I would ever be so fortunate. Being in a wonderful relationship with my best friend is more than I could ever ask for.


Thinking about this stuff makes me sad sometimes, but it also helps remind me how happy I'm going to be when he's home. This is much harder than I could have ever anticipated, but our love is also stronger than I could have ever imagined. On a daily basis I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

This is Zach at the Parthenon in Greece about a week ago. I love seeing recent pictures of him.

See You Later

After an eight day visit in Norfolk, yesterday I had to leave Zach. There were many tears between us, but we are trying to stay positive.
This morning the USS Enterprise left for their final deployment before the ship is decommissioned.
It seems as though they just returned from their most recent deployment.
From past experience, I will remember the most important things to do, and things I should not do.

What I Should NOT Do:
1. Have daily cry sessions. (Being depressed makes the days go by so much slower)
2. Think about what he is missing while he is not here. (Even though we won't be together on our birthdays and anniversary this year, that doesn't mean we won't recognize what the day is and what it means to us)
3. Beat myself up for missing a phone call once in a while. (It's inevitable. I have to accept the fact that it will happen at least once, if not a few times. Beating myself up will make me go to #1, and then I will be a blubbering mess.

What I SHOULD Do:
1. STAY BUSY! (This is the most important thing for any military girlfriend to do while their man is away. Nothing is better than realizing an entire month flew by because you were busy every day)
2. Remember all of the days we have spent together instead of thinking of all the days we will spend apart. (We have so many great memories, and it would be a shame for me to let my sadness take away from how special those are to me)
3. Always have faith. (I will never lose faith in our relationship. I know that we can last through anything. Seven months is nothing compared to the rest of our lives we will get to spend with each other)

Of course this will be hard, but we will make it through. It would be much harder to handle if it was our first deployment though. I just have to stay positive, and keep my friends and family very close for a while. Everything will be perfect again in seven-ish months, and I can't wait for that day. Until then, I will continue to fall more and more in love with my hero every day.

Coming Soon: Deployment #2

The USS Enterprise has been back from their most recent deployment for seven months, but it seems as though they just arrived last week. I met a wonderful friend that day waiting for her sailor to exit the hangar bay just as I was. The atmosphere at the homecoming ceremony was full of patriotism, thankfulness, and love. I have never experienced anything greater in my life.

In a few short weeks, the ship goes back out for their final deployment before the ship is decommissioned. The past seven months have flown by faster than I can blink, and I have found myself to be more emotional than ever. The thought of not having him to talk to every day is scaring me worse than last time.

One week from today, I will be on my way to Virginia for our last visit before we say "See you later." Of course I am ecstatic to see him, but I can not help but dread it at the same time. For each day that I am there, we will be one day closer to another huge challenge on our relationship.

There are way too many negative things about deployment to count, so that's why I am trying to look at this on a much brighter note.
1. For every day that passes while I'm there, that is one day closer to the end of the deployment.
2. The seven months in between these two deployments flew by, but seven months after our second, I will be moving in with him.
3. Even though we will not be able to talk every day, I know that we will be thinking about each other, and that's enough for me.
4. The best aspect of deployment: I get to experience another homecoming. The feeling of holding him after so long is completely indescribable.

I will not deny that for the next several months my blogs may not be very cheerful, but I am confident in myself and our relationship that we will kick deployment's ass!
P.S. Zach is the 6th one from the left in this picture.

Remember What You Love, and Love What You Remember

Chick Flicks usually aren't my thing. Most of the time, I would so much rather see a slasher, or a good Denzel action film than a movie with a soundtrack full of Taylor Swift songs. 

When I first saw previews for The Vow, it felt like a girly wave drowned me. Along with 99% of the girls on this planet, I felt like the world would end if I could not see that movie. I just got back from the movie theater (my friend and I saw the midnight premier). Before I opened my laptop to write, all I could think about was what my life would be like if I was in Rachel McAdams's shoes. I promise, for those of you that have not seen the movie yet, there is no need for a spoiler alert in the remaining text.

Would I be able to fall in love with someone who seems like a stranger all over again?

Well then I got to thinking, I kind of already do that every time I see Zach. Of course, he is no stranger to me, but it seems like it sometimes... especially after deployment. Whenever I finally see him after months of being apart, I fall in love all over again. Being with him in person is nothing like our usual routine of entertaining ourselves through a phone. The facial expressions, the way he holds me, and the way he gently slides the hair away from my face when he leans in for a kiss are three of the very many reasons I fell in love with him. Those things cannot be experienced over the phone. No, I'm not meeting a new person every few months. I am simply recalling the actions that took my breath away years ago, before we ever knew what a long distance relationship was. 

I guess the whole point of this entry was that it is not impossible to remember what you love, and love what you remember. Trust me, I do it all the time.

And Then There Are Those Nights...

What I mean by those nights: 

When you don't want to do anything. 

You don't even want to look at your phone or be social.

The idea of going out seems like torture.

Every song you listen to stirs up another emotion.

Thinking about seeing your sailor is too painful.

You aren't satisfied with anything at all.

Tonight would be one of those nights for me. Perfect inspiration for a blog. 

No, Aunt Flow is NOT here on her monthly visit. I knew what you were thinking...

I was having a really good day earlier  visiting my dad and step mom at home from school. We were all laughing and joking around. Ever since the sun started to go down though, I have felt so...blah.
Facebook and Pinterest were keeping my attention for a little while, but then I got bored with that so I had to find something else to do. I decided to complain.

I get this feeling quite a bit, as do you I'm sure. Usually it's when I have not heard from Zach in a few days. He is the best at calming me down by making me laugh. I will share some things he says with you that don't work, and some that work when I feel like this... and what goes through my head when he says it.

Things Zach tells me when I feel "blah" (that don't work) : 

 - "Just relax." OR "Chill out babygirl." This definitely does not work because if I'm upset about something, it's  a pretty big deal. Too big of a deal to just simply relax or chill out. Don't men know anything?

- "Everything is going to be okay. Just don't think about it so much." AHH! If everything is going to be okay, then why in the hell am I bawling my eyes out?! Nothing will be okay. And if I can't think about it, then how am I going to be able to talk about it with you?!

- "What's wrong babygirl?" (What every woman says with sad eyes) Nothing...

- "Are you sure?" (Also what every woman says) Yeah, I'm sure......10 second pause...... Welllll I guess...

- "You must be on your period." What makes you think that? I still act like the same person when I'm on it. What's that even supposed to mean anyway? (His responses are never the correct thing to say)  

Things Zach tells me when I feel "blah" (that do work) :

- "You know you can always talk to me, right?" Awwwwh yes I do baby. Do you really want to know what's bothering me? "Of course babygirl." 

- "I love you, and I will always be here for you. Especially when you feel like this." I love you too, and thank you so much. I could not have gotten any luckier. No one would put up with my B.S. the way that you do.

- "Everything will be so much easier for the both of us when we can finally start our lives living together." I dream about that day all the time.

- "Am I gonna have to beat someone's ass today?" It cracks me up every time he says this, haha! All I do is just laugh like crazy. 

Anyway, I think writing this post has helped me out a little bit. Nothing says strong than being able to make yourself smile in rough times!

Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed it (:

The Wonders Skype Can Do

We aren't virgins to the Skype world, by any means, but tonight was the first time that we have done it since he has been in the Navy. Phone calls are great, emails are good, but Skyping is the cat's meow, man!
I absolutely love being able to see him smile. Skype actually lets me see the dumb face he makes when he yawns so I can pick on him about it to no end.

It's the closest thing I can get to actually being there with him. 

I have a roommate who is constantly talking about how she never gets to see her boyfriend. He goes to the same exact university, and lives about a mile away. He comes over every other day. She never shuts up about it either, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I think she talks about it in front of me on purpose.

Fact is: 

You know you don't get to see your boyfriend enough when you kiss your laptop camera during Skype.

You know you don't get to see your boyfriend enough when your day is so much brighter just because of a short email or a minute-long phone call.

and

You know you don't get to see your boyfriend enough when you have come to grips that technology is the entire basis of your relationship.

Dear Inventor of Skype,

Thank you so much for inventing this wonderful thing that has helped millions of people across the world stay in touch with their loved ones.

Things I Hide on the Inside

1. I cry on a daily basis when you're gone.
2. My favorite picture of us never goes a night without being kissed before I fall asleep.
3. I have saved voicemails from you from over a year ago that I listen to very often.
4. I'm afraid to reread the letters you wrote me in boot camp because I don't want to commit emotional suicide.
5. My friends ask me how I can handle the distance, and I always say "I don't know." Truth is, the only reason I can think of is because I am in love with you. Love conquers all, right?
6. You being in the Navy is way harder than I ever expected.
7. When you call me while on deployment, all of my sadness goes away. The moment you hang up, it all comes back.
8. I'm afraid to be living with you when you go on deployment. I don't want to be alone.
9. Whenever something great happens to me, I'm not excited when I don't get to tell you.
10. I'm sick of wasting years of our lives being apart from each other.
11. I wished you liked the idea of going to college more.
12. When I miss a phone call, my mood is ruined for the entire day.
13. At night, I cuddle with every stuffed animal you have ever gave to me.
14. The only reason I don't tell you not to make a career out of the Navy is because I know you love your job.
15. I'm proud of myself because I never thought I would be able to survive this long.

I don't tell him these things because I like hearing him happy. He knows that I will never leave his side, and all of these things would make him think that I am doubting us. Only a little over a year to go, and I'm hoping to be living with him. That will make things so much easier on our relationship. The past couple of days have been very emotional for me. Maybe it's a sign that I missed his call tonight because a lot of these things would have came out.

One of the most important lessons to learn: Take What You Can Get!

My boyfriend is stationed in Norfolk, Virginia. I am currently visiting him right now and will be here until January 5th. This will be our first Christmas away from our hometown, and it seems a bit strange.
He was scheduled to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so he tried putting in leave for those days so he could spend both days with me in our hotel room. Well, it was denied. I will be spending 6am - 9pm alone in our  room both days. Of course, I am highly disappointed, but I'm still here. If I would not have been able to take the trip, we would be spending Christmas apart, and he would be completely alone without me or his family to spend the holiday with.

This is just another example of how some things don't happen the way we would like them to. I'm sure that all of the military spouses/girlfriends reading this have experienced something similar, so you can understand exactly how I'm feeling.

Instead of dwelling on the negative, I will be occupying my time with planning something very special for him when he comes back from work. I will be going out to get all of his favorite Christmas movies later on today, and calling his mom to walk her through the Skype downloading process so he can actually see his mom on Christmas. We have also been on a microwave diet since I got here because that's the only appliance our hotel room has, so I'm going to get the highest quality food that I can cook in a damn microwave. Another example of how we have to Take What We Can Get!

Christmas is a time to appreciate what you have. I am so thankful that I will be able to spend a couple hours of that day with my boyfriend because some ladies might only be getting a phone call, or maybe nothing at all. The greatest gift I can think of is being able to cuddle with him in front of the TV watching our favorite Christmas movies with microwaved food, marveling at our beautiful little Christmas tree, and family Skype dates.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone, and appreciate everything that you have during this holiday season. 

Don't Forget

This is a song that I wrote for Zach as a part of his Christmas gift. I will be playing guitar and recording it for youtube, so expect to see that post later. I hope you like it!

You got a hold on me the first time I saw you smile.

Your voice is as soothing as a canary.

We had a normal thing going for quite a while,

Until you threw my heart at the military.

I could be nothing but selfish.

Why are you leaving me behind?

Why am I being punished?

The anger made me cold and unkind.

I know my first reaction wasn’t great.

Being without you wouldn’t be right.

I have to realize this is our fate.

I never want to lose this fight.

Getting used to the fact but,

I’m having battles with myself internally.

We’ll be okay, I know in my gut.

I know I want you for eternity.

Choosing not to have you means

My life would never be the same.

The distance makes goodbyes hard,

But hellos are worth the pain.

Always return to shore from sea,

And come home safe to me.

Although there is no guarantee

That home is where you’re meant to be.

Don’t forget I will be here waiting.

I didn’t know what to expect.

Our love would be imaginary.

I thought our relationship would be wrecked

Everything is out of the ordinary.

Through my laughter and my tears

All of my friends have been there.

Although they do not understand my fears

They can comfort my despair.

I cherished your last days at home.

Creating moments we can always remember.

Focusing on the days that are to come.

We have to work if this is forever.

The night you left I did nothing but cry.

Cuddling your pillow too.

Wishing the sad feelings would die.

But they gave me a chance to miss you.

Choosing not to have you means

My life would never be the same.

The distance makes goodbyes hard,

But hellos are worth the pain.

Always return to shore from sea,

And come home safe to me.

Although there is no guarantee

That home is where you’re meant to be.

Don’t forget I will be here waiting.

Several months go by without my hand being held.

My lips not kissed and

My sides and waist not being felt

But I can still bear to stand.

The anticipation has been killing me.

It’s been eight months since our last meeting.

You’re coming off the ship I see

Running towards me for our first greeting.

Seeing you makes my tears burst.

Your shoulder is where I lay my head.

Every kiss as dreamy as the first

It’s all worth it, like you said.

Holding onto every moment like it’s our last.

It will seem a lifetime before we get a new one.

Reliving memories from our past.

All the joyous times weigh a ton.

Choosing not to have you means

My life would never be the same.

The distance makes goodbyes hard,

But hellos are worth the pain.

Always return to shore from sea,

And come home safe to me.

Although there is no guarantee

That home is where you’re meant to be.

Don’t forget I will be here waiting.

We are surviving on letters and phone calls

While thousands of miles have us separated.

Why did I fall

For something that I hated?

Even though the crying seems to last for hours

I go to bed with a smile on my face.

Recalling all of our written memoirs

Not leaving out a single trace.

The ring you gave me signifies your promise.

I swear I will always honor that for us.

The future we will have together will be bliss.

The only thing we will have to do is adjust.

We will look back at this and laugh.

We’ll make it through, and that’s a fact.

Because my love for you will never fade,

And it’s always going to stay that way.

The Navy has my heart,

And there is nothing I can do,

But cope with the part

And always stay true to you.

Choosing not to have you means

My life would never be the same.

The distance makes goodbyes hard,

But hellos are worth the pain.

Always return to shore from sea,

And come home safe to me.

Although there is no guarantee

That home is where you’re meant to be.

Don’t forget I will be here waiting

Don’t forget I will be here waiting.

When One Month Seems to be One Week

If there is anything I have noticed since I have been a Navy Girlfriend, it's that I have learned to never take time for granted.

On November 18th, I will be heading to San Diego with Zach for his sister's wedding. We will be there until the 26th. We have had this trip planned for a few months now, and of course, I have been so excited since the topic came up. The funny thing is, it seems like only yesterday we brought it up. Now, there is a little less than a month until I get to see him again.

The whole point of that last paragraph was to describe how fast time goes by. At first, the days seemed to take weeks, and the weeks seemed to take years. Boot camp felt like ten years! I'm finally at the point now where I can admit that I'm used to being far away from him, and I'm used to not seeing him for months at a time. I have found ways to keep myself busy throughout the day, and that helps the lonely months pass.

Even though there is one month left until I get to see my wonderful boyfriend, it seems like I will be seeing him this time next week. I never thought I would come to the revelation that my long distance relationship isn't very long distance at all.

Now if only the time we were together didn't seem to speed by as fast!

Never Lose Sight of What is Most Important

Before the Navy was a part of our lives

The past couple of weeks have been really rough.
I haven't been feeling very well, and I've been in those "blah" moods lately. A couple of days ago, both of my roommates were in their rooms napping, and I was sitting in our living room. Absentmindedly,I felt like doing absolutely nothing. I was tired, but I didn't feel like sleeping. Television or Facebook sparked no interest in my mind, and neither did going out. For nearly three hours, I sat on our love seat staring at our room and thinking. 
My mind was occupied by everything that has been bothering me lately, and that's what this entire post is about. I'm sharing two of my biggest issues.


My first concern/complain is: I don't know if I'm happy with where I am right now. Part of me is ecstatic beyond words to be on my own in college. The other part is dreading my classes, and missing the ones I love. The vast majority of people don't like going to classes, so what am I so worked up for? Stress is killing me. I feel so busy that I can barely lift my head out of the density for fresh air. If there is one think that I have learned, it's that responsibility sucks. I have become a perfectionist with my schoolwork. There's another problem. (Goldilocks couldn't be happy with some porridge that was a little chilly, or a tad bit too warm. All she had to do was NUKE IT! or BLOW ON IT! But no... She had to wait until she got the perfect temperature dinner until she was happy.) Why can't I just settle instead of reconstructing every project five times?! On a happier note, I love being here. Central Michigan University has the most comforting environment imaginable, and I have met some wonderful people. My negativity has just began to override my happiness, and it needs to get out of my way!


My second , and most important complain/concern is: I feel so distant from Zach. We don't get to talk as often as I would like, but some of this can be prevented on his end. He is constantly falling asleep before he gets a chance to call me at night. I know that he's tired, and I can understand that working can take a lot out of someone. That just happens a lot, so I feel like I don't get to talk to him as often as I could be. Also, since I haven't been feeling good lately, I feel way more vulnerable. Emotional sicknesses are the worst because it takes more than just two teaspoons of cough syrup to cure. I would give anything for Zach to be here to lay with me. Another reason why I'm feeling so distant from him is because he hates his job on the ship right now. He's cranking (which means he's working in the kitchen). With his job, there's nothing for him to do when they aren't on deployment, so they stuck him with this duty for a few months. Every day he complains about how annoying it is, and I really think that it's affecting his personal life as well. He has been acting a little different since they started him on this job, and it's worrying me. He doesn't keep in contact with his family as much as he used to, he gets irritated very easily, and he doesn't do as many cute things for me like he used to.


Last night, he called me, and we talked until 4:30 this morning. We had the most in-depth heart to heart conversation that we have had in a while. I admitted to him that I'm weary about his personality altering. Following my explanation, he replied by saying "I know I have. I've noticed it too." After he said that, I started a speech that went something like this:
On a daily basis I think about what this separation is leading up to. I'm suffering through lectures and pounds of homework so one day I can do what I've always wanted to do; become a teacher. This stupid cranking business that they're making you do isn't going to last much longer, and then you'll be out on deployment doing the job that you love to do. Then in a few years, you'll be able to come home to me every night, and you will look back on the rough patch you're having right now with nothing but a smile on your face. None of this will matter in several years when we're married, and squeezed next to our beautiful children on the couch. This part of your career is the tiniest fraction of your life. Always let the positives outweigh the negatives. Never let something so small take over who you are. I fell in love with the man who didn't take crap from anyone. I fell in love with the guy who never let anything get in the way of his happiness. I fell in love with you because you never lose sight of what is most important to you. 


When we finally decided we should probably get some sleep, I hung up the phone, and I started thinking again. Why would I give him that advice when I am not practicing it myself? It wasn't just him having issues with changing, it was me too. I have let the stress pile on top of my head, and I haven't been as understanding and caring as I should be. It's scary when epiphanies seem to creep up on you. 


I began writing this post at 12:27A.M. It's now 3:01A.M. As I was writing this, my mind continued to drift into a new thought every ten seconds. I have no idea why I've been thinking  so much lately, but my deserves a nice rest. 

My Favorite Memory

Whenever I tell this story, tears never fail to accompany my words. Since water marks can't appear on a computer screen, just know that my eyes were not dry while writing this. 

This is my most prized moment with my boyfriend, and I will never forget every detail of that night.

My favorite memory of us is the night before he left for boot camp. It was January 11th, very cold, and there was about eight inches of snow. At almost midnight, he admitted to me that he had never made a snowman before (even though we're both from Michigan)! We went out behind the apartment building in pajama pants, coats, and mittens. I showed him how to roll the big snowballs, and we finally ended up making a miniature snowman. Finishing the task seemed to last three hours, but that was only because we would be distracted by throwing snowballs at each other, and just laughing like we were watching a stand-up comic.

After marveling over the fact he successfully built a snowman, we started drawing in the snow. With the immature sides of our brain, we thought to see who could trace the largest male sex organ (yes... I really meant penis). After I won that battle, he told me not to look in his direction for a minute. That man must eat five carrots a day because no matter how many times I tried to peek, he caught me! So he convinced me not to look again by saying "Do it one more time, and there will be no surprise for babygirl." I still remember the exact quote because it was SO funny at the time! When I was finally able to look, he wrote "I love you Danielle" so big that you could read it from a plane. 

I attempted to copy him, but before I could get to the word "love," he has tackled me to the ground tickling me. (Sidenote: Our tickle fights get highly dangerous. One of us constantly ends up getting hurt, usually me. BUT this time, neither of us came out injured!) After a few minutes, and probably after waking a few people up, we laid there in the snow kissing and talking. Not once did I feel the snow melt through my pajama pants. There was something much more important right in front of my eyes to even think about anything else.
It took us a while to decide to go inside for bed. I couldn't even give an estimate on how long we were out there because no part of my mind was functioning.  

Thanks for reading! 

English Essay About A Decision I Have Made That Has Changed My Life

10-14-2011

The Military Has My Heart

INTRODUCTION   

A little over two years ago, I began a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend, Zach. Our chemistry has always been tremendous, and I laugh like I never have before. He raises my self-esteem, and for that, my parents are most grateful. We’re best friends. To be honest, I don’t even tell the women I call my “best friends” half of the things I share with Zach. As a matter of fact, my “best friends” tell me they feel like enduring in a healthy vomit after overhearing our phone conversations. He lured me in by telling me how beautiful I am, and how he’s never seen anyone more ravishing in his life. Whenever he looks at me, one eyebrow will raise not even an inch, and he gives me a half-crooked smile that I constantly melt at. We have a bond that is indescribable. Even though we have a great relationship, one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make was whether I should stay with Zach when he left for the United States NAVY, or go our separate ways.

DESCRIPTION OF THE SITUATION

            Zach’s dream has always been to be in the NAVY. I have known this since we began dating, but I refused to believe it would actually happen. We were around each other too often to even imagine having to say goodbye to one another. I tried not to mention the topic because I stupidly believed he might forget about it. In August of 2010, he reluctantly brought the subject up, and asked me how I would feel if he joined soon. At first, I was entirely unsure.

Selfishly, all I could think about was how I felt. Why was he doing this to me? How could he possibly feel this comfortable leaving me behind? I thought that him leaving meant that I wouldn’t be able to see him for a year at a time. All of our fun experiences together will just turn into faint memories. Nothing would be the same anymore.

Eventually, I overcame being unsure, and I started to get angry. Our relationship was getting a little hostile, and it was difficult to be around him. In the back of my mind, all I could think about was him leaving, and how I would be left in Michigan alone. Arguments would arise every day, and they would be brought on by the simplest things. I couldn’t get over the fact that he was considering joining the military.

Every thought in my mind told me to admit I couldn’t do it, but my heart was telling me to let him go. The stress that would arise from him being away from me seemed monumental, and the amount I would miss him would be too great for words. There wasn’t a question in my mind about what was best for him because I already knew the answer. My heart knew that the NAVY would be perfect for his future, but I had no idea how to deal with my best friend being away from me for months at a time.

FACTORS TO CONSIDER

The most important factor of my decision was the distance that would soon be between us. Before he left, whenever I wanted to see him, it was so simple to get in the car, and drive for 10 minutes. I knew that when he joined the NAVY, I would have to drive thousands of miles to do that. It would take me a long time to get used to being so far away from each other. Having a relationship based off of phone calls would be extremely difficult. 

            Zach’s mom has also been quite the challenge in our relationship, and this was another factor I had to consider. I knew that once he left, I would have to talk to her more because I would need to update her on how Zach is doing. The idea of doing this put me on edge because we have never had a casual relationship.  Even when we first started dating, his mom did not like me. This was the first time I’ve ever experienced being unapproved of. I never knew how to handle it, so I was always overly nice to her. When Zach had to leave, I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable having to talk to her by myself. She was very intimidating, and I always got the impression that she had wished I wasn’t around.

On the other hand, his sister, Jaimee, has always been supportive of us. She told me some important things that became factors, and started to cement my decision into the ground. Before Zach left for boot camp, Jaimee wanted to meet up with me for lunch one afternoon. Ten years ago, she was a Master at Arms in the NAVY, so she knew everything that I should be expecting. She told me that I would be able to see him a few times a year, and that he would be able to have his phone on him whenever he wanted after boot camp was over. Jaimee said that he will be able to see more countries in a few years than most people will ever see in their entire lives. Everything she was telling me kept circling around the fact that joining the NAVY was the best possible thing he could do for his life.

The final factor was that I didn’t know what to expect. I had no idea how often I would be able to have contact with Zach because it’s all up to his Recruit Division Commanders. With the way I was thinking, I would only be able to get one letter a month, one phone call every quarter year, and only be able to see him once a year. Another aspect I was clueless about was where he would be stationed. What if he was sent to Japan? There is no doubt that I was expecting the worst the entire time. Not once did I think optimistically about overcoming our obstacles.        

EVALUATION OF OPTIONS

             With the decision I had to make, there were two options. The first option was to end the relationship, and separate in completely opposite directions. If I were to choose this, my decision would eliminate so much stress that I wouldn’t need on top of school. I would also be able to explore more opportunities in college, and live life for myself. Relationships are known to “tie a person down,” and I wanted the full college experience. Although, the best part about leaving the relationship would be not having to pretend to like Zach’s mother anymore, and that would be phenomenal.

            The second option seemed to be most practical, and that was to stay in the relationship with Zach, and see if we could tolerate the long distance. There is no way I could ever picture my life without Zach in it because we have been through so much together. He has been there for me at all of my worst times, and he has been a part of all my best times. I also had to consider the fact that I would not be waiting alone. He is waiting too, and that’s all I could ask for. Finally, the NAVY is in Zach’s best interest as college is mine.

CONCLUSION

Zach has been an Aviation Boatswain’s Mate/Aircraft Handler in the United States NAVY for nine months. For seven months out of the year, I have no idea where he is, but that’s okay. I had the power to make a rational decision when it came to love, and the consensus did not come from my mind, it came from my heart. We are currently in a healthy, long distance relationship, and he still continues to brighten up each of my days. Even though being away from each other is as hard as I had imagined, I had to accept the fact that we had to make sacrifices if we still wanted to be together while he is in the military.

We have been dating since August 22, 2009, and I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I never thought I would have to communicate with my boyfriend through letters, but we’ve done it a countless number of times within the period he has been away. Not once have I regretted my decision to stay with Zach. Our relationship is stronger than ever, and in a few years, I will be moving in with him where he is stationed in Norfolk, Virginia. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t worry about him. Whether he’s out on a deployment, or safe in Norfolk, there’s always that emptiness in my heart. So many times during a day, I think about how much I miss him. Our phone calls can be very emotional, and I find myself crying multiple times in a week, but I still wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Talking to his family has been such a great help. I was skeptical about how it would work, but we’ve been getting along so well. For his boot camp graduation, I took a trip to Chicago with his mom, sister, and aunt. We all had a great time, and they make me laugh just as much as he does. Ironically, Zach says he’s jealous because he thinks I talk to his mom more than he does now, which was completely unexpected.

Zach being gone has helped me focus more on personal issues as well. I have a feeling that if he were here, I would be more distracted when it came to my school work. That was a big problem before he left, while I was in high school. I’ve also noticed that I’ve been around my family more than I have ever been in the past two years. It’s been a big change being able to pay attention to myself. As much of a luxury it would be to have him here again, I am content with the way this has changed my life as well.     

Overall, Zach leaving has made us mature as a couple, and as individuals. I have learned to set my priorities straight, and always do what makes me the happiest. I would’ve been miserable if I didn’t choose to stay with him. He’s matured into a great man by serving this country, and establishing an exceptional work ethic. Together, we have learned how to keep a strong relationship going from thousands of miles away. If the distance can’t disturb our happiness, nothing will.